I have taken a good amount of time in that last few years to think long and hard about forgiveness. During this time I have looked to the Scriptures to see what they say about forgiveness. When I come across verses that talk about forgiveness I look closely and really think about what it really means to forgive. I have come across a verse recently that has me really thinking. The verse is Colossians 3:13 which is in a list of things we believer are to put on and it really hits hard on forgiveness. The verse is Colossians 3:13 and I want you to think about it. The verse says: bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Let me share with you what I am learning and hopefully and prayerfully you give your insights so that I can keep learning.
Forgiving is absolutely freeing and unforgiveness is absolute bondage. We are told to live forgiving one another, after the pattern of Jesus’ forgiveness towards us. Understanding the way Jesus forgave us will always make us more generous with forgiveness. The problem with most of us is we really do not understand forgiveness or if we do we really do not want to give it to people because we see it as a weakness – if that is the case then we see Christ as weak – which is not true. Forgiveness shows true strength – it has taken me a long time to really grasp this point.
Think about this: when we consider the staggering debt Jesus forgave for us, and the relative small debts we hold toward others, it is a lack of gratitude toward Christ for us to not forgive others. The more you think of how Christ forgave you; it should make you much more generous with your forgiveness for and toward others.
What are your forgiveness habits? Are they anything like Gods?
· God holds back His anger and tolerates us a long time when we sin against Him. Is it your habit to hold back your anger or do you lash out in your unforgiveness?
· God reaches out to what we would call bad people to bring forgiveness to them. Is it your habit to forgive someone you would consider to have a bad character? Should that make a difference?
· God makes the first move towards us in forgiveness. Is it your habit to forgive only if person comes to you first?
· God forgives knowing that we will sin again, sometimes in the exact same way. Is it your habit to forgive only if the offending person promises to never do wrong again.
· God’s forgiveness is so complete and glorious that to those former offenders He grants adoption in to his family and makes them His sons and daughters. Is it your habit, even when forgiveness is offered to not have anything to do with the offender again?
· God keeps reaching out to man for reconciliation even when man refuses Him again and again. Is it your habit to not continue to offer forgiveness to someone if they do not respond the way you want the first time?
· God’s forgiveness offers complete restoration and honor. Is it your habit to feel that you just need to merely tolerate those who sinned against you and not honor them even if they are due honor?
· Once having forgiven, God puts His trust in us and invites us back to work with Him as co-laborers. Is it your habit to not trust someone whom you have forgiven and not allow them in your life at all?
These are tough questions that I am dealing with in my own life. These are all questions to help us think about how freely God forgives and normally how stingy we are with our forgiveness even though we are called to forgive freely. I have so many areas that I am working in when it comes to forgiveness – what about you? Are there people in your life that you have not forgiven? Are there people you need to ask for forgiveness? Do it and free yourself from the bondage you are in.
What can you add to this about about forgiveness?
** I will add more to this subject tomorrow**
Thanks for this Jim.
The most amazing thing about forgiveness is that it is is so incredibly releasing and the first person who is released when I forgive another is me. I am freed from the resentment, bitterness, guilt, shame, pain and so many other negative emotions that would otherwise cripple my faltering attempts to simply be the person God made me. When we practise unforgiveness, very often the person we hurt the most is ourself.
Another couple of things about forgiveness; first it is often just as hard to receive forgiveness as it is to give it. We don’t like to see ourselves as people who need to be forgiven. It doesn’t sit well with our pride or our self-image. Or, perhaps we don’t find forgiveness easy to accept because we don’t feel ourselves to be deserving of forgiveness, which of course we aren’t. But real forgiveness is always given to people who don’t deserve it. Forgiveness is an act of grace, not a reward.
Second, I find that the hardest person for me to forgive is me. To forgive myself means admitting to myself that I have made a mistake, hurt someone, done something or said something that I should not have. It means being honest with myself about who I really am, about who I am called to be and about how great the gulf sometimes is between the two. And it means being gracious to myself, loving myself as much as my neighbour.
PS – I found your blog through The High Calling. Just letting you know that it workds sometimes
Thanks so much for your comments. You are dead on in your assessments: I know the power of the release when it comes to forgiveness in my own life, understanding it is an act of grace is huge and I also find the hardest person to forgive being myself.
BTW – every now and again someone stumbles here from the High Calling
Thanks for the insights!
I think you pretty much covered it all, but the one thing I would really emphasize is the restoration aspect of forgiveness. People don’t understand how powerful that is.
Do me a favor Michael and explain what you me by the restoration aspect – I have an idea what you mean but I want to see if it is the same as yours.
Thanks my friend for reading and adding to the conversation!
Jim, I really appreciate your study on forgiveness. And thanks for sharing from the wealth of that research. This is a tremendous post on forgiveness. It needs to be part of every ministry leader’s portfolio if they want to stay strong in the ministry.
Thanks Scott – I appreciate the compliment greatly.
This is an excellent post and summary of the various aspects of forgiveness. I have experienced people changing toward me when I forgave them (they didn’t know anything about it, it was a woman I worked with who hated me from the moment she saw me — undeserved believe me).
I have forgiven people who were abusive in relationships with me. It was part of my personal growth and I don’t hold any animosity and indeed pray for them. But I am learning about boundaries. You can forgive but that does not mean opening yourself up to abuse like a doormat. The Christian church in general has had trouble with this in dealing with abusive marriages. I was told to pray for my husband when he was emotionally abusive to my 8-year-old daughter (as the only remedy). I left him to protect her. Is that unforgiveness? Is it unforgiveness to cut off contact with family members who are abusive and unrepentant (even refuse to acknowledge they did any wrong)?
Believe me I have many wonderful people in my life (not just abusers like this sounds). But I have had to deal with mentally unstable people and bullies all my life and it’s part of my growth to stand up for myself appropriately. I tend to be too forgiving and accommodating. Finding the balance has been my issue. Wiping the dust from my feet when it’s time to do so.
Liz,
I think that you hit on something here that are important. Forgiveness is not being a doormat and no I do not think it is unforgiveness to cut off contact with those who are abusive. The thing is to find that balance that is the strength of forgiveness and it is something I think that comes with prayer, Bible reading, and practice.
By the way – I am saddened that someone would tell you to just pray for someone who was abusing your eight year old – be that a counselor, pastor, or friend telling you to do that it is just sad.
Thanks for adding to the conversation!
Jim, the sad part is, I left God for five years after that. I couldn’t reconcile my divorce with being a Christian yet I knew I had to get away from that situation and he was too hardened to change (I tried believe me). I loved God but I felt unworthy. If as a Pastor, you can help women (and men) deal with these very difficult and contradictory situations, that would be wonderful.
Liz,
It is something that I work hard to do – I am a man and not perfect in any way but prayerfully I help and not hinder the work of God in these situations as I seek His guidance and wisdom as I deal with people going through these things.
Many struggle with forgiveness because they look at it as excusing sin. The only way they can forgive is to know that the person suffers a punishment suitable for their offense. If that can’t happen, they won’t forgive and they don’t feel that they should.
However, forgiveness isn’t excusing an offense, it is removing blame. That’s exactly what happened when Jesus took our sin. God didn’t have to excuse our sin. He won’t because He is holy. But when Jesus became a curse for us, God removed the blame we deserved.
So when we relate to others, we need to understand that forgiveness is truly understanding what has already been offered to us. We don’t have to fear of excusing sin and letting a person get off Scott-free, we can know that what Jesus has done allows us to remove the blame from the person who has sinned against us. In the same way that God did with us.
So in living a lifestyle of forgiveness, we are being like our Father.
Excellent comment Tony! You really hit on it with it not being excusing sin – because you are right – forgiveness is wrongly in some people’s mind seen as excusing the sin. Thanks for adding this in!
Great thoughts Tony. I may even go further and say that forgiveness is not free. Well, it’s not free to the person that forgives, only free to the recipient. The giver of forgiveness pays a price. Jesus paid the price for our forgiveness, and we who forgive offenses, pay the price for other people’s offenses (wounds, tears, etc..).
Nice addition Moe!
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Jim, will you forgive me for beating you in WWF? I’m so sorry!
Actually, what hits hard for me (really hard) is the condition where God says that unless we forgive our neighbors’ trespasses, he won’t forgive ours. It’s a conditional forgiveness, and to be honest, that kind of sucks. This is where pride has its way with most of us Christians.
I will forgive you Moe.
You are right about the condition – it is tough – very tough and you are right it is the pride that has hit me in this.
Thanks for reading and adding to the conversation!
There is not a one of us who is up to it (living the obedient life).
God is after those who know their great need of a Savior. REAL sinners.
And to them He says, “I love you, you are forgiven for my sake.”
He is an awesome God, is He not?
Thanks.
You are right! He is an awesome God! He is after all of us but are we answering the call – I pray we wall are.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
Good conversation here Jim. I feel for Liz being told to pray for her husband who was abusing her son. Pffft! Sure she can pray for him as she runs. Get away from him asap. This has been a good convo with some good thoughts.
Thanks Bill for taking the time to read this and the comments. I agree about the deal with Liz!
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