Here are three things I picked up and adapted from others in regards to forgiveness. We are continuing today talking about forgiveness and if you missed yesterdays post about it, then you miss a great conversation and click here to read it. This all got started from this verse from Colossians 3 – (13) bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
These are three thoughts are on what forgiveness means in a practical way.
The first thing that forgiveness means that we are not to bring up to the person whom we have forgiven the thing we forgave. That is to say we do not remind the person over and over of what they did and what we forgave. We are not to constantly harass them with reminders of the evil things they did in the past. Some marriages stumble greatly at this point because the partners not only get hysterical, they get historical during disagreements! They go back over the past, ready to trot it out and rehash it once more – even after forgiveness has been asked for and granted. That shows that it has never truly forgiven in the first place. Parents can do the very same thing with their kids when they continue to point out things that they have supposedly forgiven that the child has done. Know that God does not do that or treat us like that. How terrible it would be if he did, if we had to constantly faced reminders from him of the awful things of our past that He has forgiven! Forgive and more forward and do not bring it up again.
The second thing forgiveness means is that we do not tell anybody else about the matter that is forgiven. We do not gossip about it to others or say I will tell you but just do not tell anyone else. When it is forgiven it is gone. It is not that we actually erase it from memory because we may think of it from time to time but when we do, we are not to dwell on it and certainly not tell others all about it. Too often we tell people we have forgiven them and then talk to everyone about what the person did – if forgiveness was asked for and granted – it should never be a topic of conversation with others. Again, God does not treat us that way and we should not treat others that way. Treat others the way you want to be treated and that would be when it is forgiven it is gone!
Then the third thing forgiveness means is this: that you do not sit and think all about the offense or offender that has been forgiven! Even in your private thoughts, never allow the offense to come up and to color your attitude toward the one you that you have forgiven. If it does come up, you must put it away and remind yourself that you too need to be forgiven for many things in life. You do not want people mulling over your forgiven sins and dredging them up all the time do you? Forgiveness means to put it aside even to yourself because that is what Christ has done for us.
Like we looked at yesterday: forgiveness is a powerful and freeing act and unforgiveness is bondage. Live in the freedom of forgiveness – you will not regret it! Some today need to find that freedom that comes from asking for forgiveness and some need to find the freedom in granting others forgiveness. God has freely forgiven us and now it is time for us to do it for others and ourselves.
Any thoughts on these three things that I see that forgiveness means? What would you add?
Missed yesterday’s conversation jim so will have to go back and read it. I agree with your three thoughts here. When someone says, “I forgive so-and-so” but then keeps bringing up the offense or the person, or badmouths the person, they haven’t forgiven. Not in any way, shape or form. Forgiveness may not forget (humanly) but it does not keep bringing up the offense either.
Thanks Bill – just some things I have heard and picked up along the way. People so often think forgiveness is just saying I am sorry – it is so much more of what we do and do not do. Thanks for reading and getting today’s conversation started!
There is a great quote I heard the other day which I’ll try to share (I don’t have exact phrase):
“forgiveness is setting someone free, then realizing that the one who needed freedom was you”.
That’s powerful. A person that doesn’t forgive, will grow bitter and show it very clearly.
Moe – Even without the phrasing being perfect – I love the quote because of the truth that it represents!
Too many choose bitterness over the freedom of forgiveness – that was me for a long time – I love the freedom of which I live now!
Good thought and thanks for adding in today!
Those 3 are great but they have one stipulation. You have to understand that it is impossible to do. Complete and total forgiveness is a supernatural act. There’s no way you can do it apart from the Holy Spirit. Even if you think you were able to forgive and forget, if you haven’t truly given it to God all 3 of these issues will continue to pop up.
When you try to forgive by sheer willpower, you will meet with constant frustration because it’s just not possible. Only God can fully heal the offense and only Jesus can fully take the blame for the offense.
Total Forgiveness is a supernatural act and you are right about the Spirit needing to take control. – you hit the nail on the head again Tony!
Thanks for adding to the conversation!
Great response Tony. So often I ‘forgive’ (but in reality I’m doing it on my own strength) and bitterness still settles in. It HAS to stem from what God has done in our own lives…
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I think forgiveness for self is one of the most important steps we can offer to ourselves for our own personal healing which ultimately brings greater depths of inner peace.
In taking full and complete responsibility for our lives which in my belief means our thoughts I would agree that it’s vital not to gossip about others.
We ought to consider deciding the type and quality of life we want to live and how great we want to aspire to.
It takes great thoughts to become a great person of leadership and accomplishment in matters of the heart which are truly the most important matters of life that there are. Do unto others as we would have them to unto us. if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. Take the high road, forgive yourself, forgive others, move to higher levels of unconditional love and make the most of your life !
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