From the Heart of a Pastor’s Wife

I do not do guest posts very often at all but today I am doing one.  Funny thing is the person who is guest posting does not know they are guest posting.  My guest post is my wife Wendy.  Wendy just read me her devotional for her ministry site www.afterthemiracle.com and I thought it was awesome.  (By the way –  her and her ministry partner put up new devotionals each day so please check them out.)  Once Wendy read it she asked me to make coffee for the morning as she went off to bed.  As I was getting the coffee ready, I thought about what she wrote and thought it needed to be posted on here today.  So, she was in bed and I decided I wanted to honor my wonderful wife by posting her great thoughts.  So I got on her computer and sent the devotional to myself so that I could post it here.

So here is the post by my wonderful wife Wendy:

I titled this devotional today from the heart of a Pastor’s wife because I feel like over the 2 ½ years that we have done devotionals I have never really shared my Pastor’s wife heart with you. I oftentimes think that there are things that you need to keep to yourself when you are in the ministry. There is some truth to that statement but today I guess I want to share a few things because just maybe it will help you, our readers, to better understand how to pray for your Pastor’s wife and perhaps give you a glimpse into her life.

Your life is not your own when you are in ministry. See when you are serving in a church you are taking care of the needs of people. Those needs definitely involve their spiritual needs but also at times it is their emotional needs and their physical needs. It is counseling, being called out in the middle of the night because a loved one has passed away; it is marriage counseling, counseling parents in how to handle their teenager who has just been caught with marijuana. It is being so aware of how many people are hurting in your congregation and feeling their hurts too. As a Pastor’s wife I am not always involved in all of these things but guess who has to be there to take of the man who is? The Pastor’s wife! We have to take care of the kids and the house so that he can minister to the congregation in the way that God has called him to.

We so many times get the opinions of others where our husbands are concerned and yes we get the could you please tell your husband that he needs to………….you fill in the blank. We hear all the criticism and the ways that he could do better but we also hear his praises and that makes our hearts smile because that is when people see what we have known all along.

We don’t really have many people we can call friends or connect to because we can’t open up and share all the things that we experience like most people can.We are expected to be more spiritual, have the most well behaved children. Never have any problems in our life and we are so lucky to be married to the pastor, he must be the perfect man (not). We live in a fishbowl. People oftentimes want to be our friends because we are the Pastor’s wife and many times there are motives behind it.

We share our husband. Now I know that is quite a statement but let me explain. First, this is something that I struggle with and I dare say many Pastors’ wives do. We can have a wonderful day planned with our husband and perhaps even our children and a call comes in and it changes everything. My husband has to leave to go to a church member’s home. A meeting was called that we weren’t aware of until the last minute so we change our plans. I’ve spent many many nights home alone with the kids waiting for my husband to come home. I’ve had date nights interrupted and family gatherings interrupted.

For many of you reading this you go to church once a week and go home. You go to work, be with your family and you don’t think about church again. Guess what? It is our life. We pray for the congregation, we weep for them. My husband stays up late at night preparing for Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. He spends his days preparing as well and goes and visits and finds ways to connect to those in the community too. A lot of the visiting I do with him when I can and I find ways to connect to the women in the church and do that through bible studies and other events. Church is our life and we have been called to that I know.

I know that it sounds like I am complaining and believe me that is NOT my intention I desire for you to see what a typical day may look like in a Pastor’s wife’s home. We live a lonely life at times and other times we are surrounded with people who express their love for us. I read an article recently that said 80% of Pastor’s wives suffer from depression. We are unique. In no other job in America is a wife defined by her husband’s job other than the Presidency. We are always known as the Pastor’s wife, we are introduced as such. If your husband is an accountant you are not introduced as this is the accountant’s wife. You are introduced by your name.

I certainly don’t want to leave out all the wonderful parts of ministry. The most precious thing for me is to see the look on someone’s face when they come to salvation in Jesus Christ. There is great joy in watching others grow in their faith and being able to walk alongside them through it all. It is those times when commitments are made, when those in our congregation are baptized. It’s the weddings, the dedications of babies and being able to be a part of a going home celebration of a dear brother or sister in Christ. You see friends there is nothing else we would rather do in this life. My husband once had someone in ministry very dear to him say, “You will never be able to do anything else but ministry and be truly happy.” As weary as the days may be there is nothing we would rather do.

Pray for your Pastor’s wife today. Pray that God surrounds her with his love and strength. That she would be encouraged through His word and find His peace. Pray that she would be led by Him daily and that He would be her strong tower and refuge. Pray for your Pastor as well. The Lord has placed on both of their lives an incredible call and they need you prayers.

I appreciate my wife who stands with me to minister and she is awesome.  I am truly a blessed man.  Make sure you are praying for your Pastor’s wife and your Pastor.

Do you have any thoughts on what Wendy has to say?

13 thoughts on “From the Heart of a Pastor’s Wife

  1. What a well written devotional. I now realize that you are blessed among most men. :) You have a gem there Jim, good for you!

    “We don’t really have many people we can call friends or connect to because we can’t open up and share all the things that we experience like most people can” I hate this quote, but I realize is the “nature of the beast”. People put pastors in such a high pedestal that if you reveal an inch of vulnerability you are automatically written off. It’s sad, but so very true. I pray lots for those of you who hold positions in leadership. My prayer is that you continue to do your important work and that you yourselves find a pasture of peace and truth in each other and in a community of people who love you just as you are

    Thank you for sharing Jim (and wife whose writing apparently got hijacked by her husband without you knowing. :))

    • A Gem is right! I know I am blessed! Thanks for the prayer I and we too pray it is answered! It was my pleasure to hijack it – it was too good not too! Thanks Moe!

  2. Wendy, it must have taken so much to be transparent as you have been. I’m a preacher’s kid…but up until now, I had never thought about what that must have meant for my mom.

    You can bet I’ll be praying for all the wives who I know…who happen to be married to pastors. :)

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