Parenting–Is Discipline Something of Great Importance?

I have some thoughts I want to share about parenting today. I am not an expert by any means on parenting but I am a parent  of a 16 year old girl and a 9 year old boy.  I have work with teens in the past as a Youth Pastor for over 8 years and more than that I spent over 10 years working in the counseling field with teens – some with mental health issues and some with addiction problems and some with both.  So today as I talk about my view of these verses and of parenting I do so with an understanding of teens and know some of the pitfalls. 

Now let me share these verses with you that got me thinking about this subject – Colossians 3:20-21 -  20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

Obedience means there is a higher authority and it implies respect for one in authority. Obedience is yielding one’s self and will to authority. Obedience is a form of guidance and through it children learn to adapt behavior to proper standards. I see and believe that obedience is the foundation for character. Parents – if you are not obedient to rules, laws, morals, and God – do not expect your children to be because you are the one who models this behavior.  In other word – Parents need be people of character.

Obedience to parents is God’s design for order in homes and disobedience is rebellion which is a sin and causes disorder in the home. To obey means to do so on the basis of paying attention to the parents, what they are teaching you, and what rules they have for you. This principle applies as long as the child is under the roof of the parents regardless of the age.  What children need to understand is their parents are their authority. This authority has the responsibility to train children how to live principles of the Word of God and live life in general.

The verse says that fathers are not to exasperate their children so for the parents I have listed four things that we can do to not exasperate or irritate our children or cause them to lose heart.

1. Make sure a balanced discipline is a part of life in the home – too little causes children to lose heart and too much causes children to lose heart.  Balance out the discipline.
2. Unfair punishment causes loss of heart in children as well as parents who are impulsive when punishing their children. There must be a balance between discipline and love. All discipline should be done in love and not out of personal hurt. Discipline is not the same as punishment. Punishment simply tries to control the behavior while discipline seeks to teach the child to do something a different way.
3. Parents must not threaten as a way of discipline – it is useless. Threats just make more threats till you have to do something that is not effective in teaching a better way. Discipline should be a way of teaching the child to do things a different and right way and that does not come through threats.
4. After discipline, express forgiveness to the child.   Then help the child with their outlook because parents are to encourage their children. Ephesians warns against discouraging our children. It is important to give the child a sense of belonging, worth and confidence in Christ.

Discipline when it comes to children helps us be better parents and helps our children to live a better life and a better life for Christ.

These are just a few thoughts I have regarding parenting,kids, and these verses from Colossians 3.   So what is at least one piece of advice that you would give when it comes to patenting – I do not care if you are single or married or a parent  or grandparent– you were raised by parents so what is something that you learned that an invaluable piece of parenting advice?

Parenting and dealing with death

The weekend started out pretty good as my family headed to a local heritage festival on Saturday morning.  We had a great time there and came home in the early afternoon to get ready for my son’s first game of  the fall baseball season which was a big game because he has moved up to the next level.  That is when it happened.

What happened was my daughter who is 16 was all the sudden completely  distraught and just flat our crying.  She asked my wife through her tears “can you come here please?”.   I can hear her crying and my wife saying something like are you sure?  I decided to step in and see what was happening.  My daughter through big tears and heaving said “Everyone is writing on Brian’s Facebook wall RIP and talking about how great of a friend he was”.  My heart sunk as we found out that her friend Brian who she ate lunch with everyday, who she would walk out to the bus with at the end of school and who she would text all the time was said to have died.  I wanted to make sure so we checked several sources and found out that he went to bed Friday night and just did not wake up Saturday morning and was found dead in his bed by a family member. 

He was a football player and played a good game Friday night and was texting my daughter after the game and now he was dead.  They have no idea what happened  – it could have been a heart issue or even from some sort of an injury for the game the night before but at this point, no one knows.  What I do know is that my heart broke for my little girl as I stood there holding her and she sobbed into my shoulder and that this was something I did not think I would be dealing with right now.  

As a parent I knew that my daughter would have to deal with death but I thought it would be the death of a grandparent  or someone like that and not that of a classmate.  Now that is not to say that dealing with the death of a grandparent or someone else would be easy but in many respects it would be easier than the sudden death of someone her own age.

She is learning the harsh reality that life can will be hard sometimes.  We have had some pretty candid conversations about this whole thing since yesterday afternoon.  She has talked about how she was laughing and having a good time today and then felt guilty about it.  We talked about her fear in going to school because she does not see him on the weekends but school is where they saw each other and talked all the time and she did not know if she would breakdown.  We have talked about the brevity of life and the importance of a relationship with Christ.  This tragic death of this young man has made for good conversations about life, death, and faith in Christ but ones I would have rather had at another time and not because a 17 year old was suddenly dead.

Here is what I would like to ask of you today – would you take a moment right now and please pray for my daughter  and her friends in the High School as they deal with this tragic death.  Please pray for this family as they deal with it.  I can not imagine going in to wake my 16 year old and them not getting up.  Please pray for my wife and I as we go through these uncharted  waters with my daughter.

What can I pray for you about this week as it gets started?