I came across this simple prayer today and felt as though I need to share it.
Humble Lord, free me from selfish ambition and the pride that seeks to dominate others. Make my source of pride the glorious truth that I am your dear child in Christ. As you have received me, so open my heart that I might receive your other children, in your precious name. Amen.
This is my prayer today – will you make it yours?
Have you ever had to say “the hard stuff” to someone? You know the stuff I am talking about – the painful things that people do not want to hear but the things that must be said.
In Gordon MacDonald’s book Building Below the Waterline he talks about Pastors saying the hard stuff. This chapter is one of the greats in the book because it talks about something that you do not learn about in seminary or bible college or really anything that is talked about too much in life in general but that is needed. MacDonald talks about people pleasers which he was one back when he was a young pastor and was too sensitive to hear “the hard stuff”. He also talks about a time when he shared “the hard stuff” in a message without doing his homework. MacDonald then goes on to talk about how Paul had to say some pretty “hard stuff” to say to the church in Corinth. He then goes on to then say that the if you are going to say “the hard stuff” you have to be on sold ground. He ends the chapter with a story about when he had to say some pretty “hard stuff” directly to a congregation.
When I think of saying “the hard stuff”, I will many times in my mind go back to when I worked in the counseling field and had to say some pretty hard stuff to people but really that was part of the job. Then my mind bounces to my years of ministry and looking into the eyes of people and having to say some pretty “hard words”. I have also preached some messages with some pretty “hard stuff” in them. It is never easy to share the “hard stuff” whether it is in counseling, ministry, or in preaching.
One time – many years ago – I had to say some of the hardest stuff I ever had to say especially to parents. I was a young Youth Pastor and was being mentored by a Senior Pastor who was more than just a boss but a real friend. He is a good and godly man and I have great respect for him because of how he taught me to deal with “the hard stuff”. When I shared with him in our weekly mentoring meeting something that I overheard at a youth group event he said we needed to do hard thing which was that we needed to talk to the parent of the one it was said about as soon as possible. We prayed together about and the then he called the parents and set up a meeting with them. The next day I went with the Pastor to the house of the teen and met with the parents and had to tell them that I have heard that their child was involved in a horrendous sin. We then talked directly to the teen and let them know what was being said and the teen denied it that day. Sad thing is about 6 months later they told their parents it was true and walk away from God to a lifestyle that broke their parents heart.
Saying “the hard stuff” is never easy and so in order to be able to say it I think we would do well to follow the advice given by MacDonald in the book (pages 149 and 150). First is get your facts straight and ask if “the hard stuff” really needs to be said. Second is have a deep prayer life that is operating out of love and not one to punish. Third is making sure that it is being said with deep affection and priestly concern for the person. Lastly, make sure that when you are saying “the hard stuff” that you are not under the same judgment.
So how do you handle saying “the hard stuff” to people? What is the hardest thing you ever had to say to someone?
This post is a part of the blogging on the book Building Below the Waterline by Gordon MacDonald with two of the best bloggers out there – Bill Grandi from Cycleguy’s Spin and Michael Perkins from The Handwritten . We are sharing each Wednesday our thoughts from 2 chapters, which means you will be able to see how God will l speak to us as individuals and then you if you read all three blogs you will see how God then weaves what we write all together. I pray your are encouraged by the blogs.
So do you speak first and pray later?
Look at these verse: 13 Then a messenger came to David, saying, “The hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom.” 14 David said to all his servants who were with him at Jerusalem, “Arise and let us flee, for otherwise none of us will escape from Absalom. Go in haste, or he will overtake us quickly and bring down calamity on us and strike the city with the edge of the sword.”
So we have in these verse the news of Absalom stealing the hearts of the people making to David. So then we have David who said right away to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Let us inquire of the Lord.” Is that what verse 14 says? No, instead of praying and asking God how to handle the situation – David screams “Everybody run! Flee! Get out of here because we are all going to die if we do not”! What this reaction does is shows how things are slipping for him spiritually. What we know about David and his is life is this: whenever David is successful in his life it is when he seeks God first and whenever David fails and struggles in life is when he goes on his own. We are the same as David is – when we go without God – we will fail – whenever we go to God – we will be successful.
Listen closely to this: You never flee or run into the will of God as David tries to do. You will find the will of God by actively taking everything to God in prayer and by seeking out his Word and by gaining godly counseling. Know that when you are the most eager to act, is when you will make the most painful mistakes if you are not prayerful. We have got to take the time to think through and pray through everything so that we do not make the painful decisions.
What we see here is that has David hit the panic button. It is panic all around the palace. How do you react when sudden tragedy or surprise comes your way? Do you stop and pray and then act or speak? Or do you act or speak then pray and ask God what was the right thing was to do? Too often – many of us act or speak then pray and ask God what we should have done rather than pray to find out what we should do or say. Always pray first and speak or act second.
Any thoughts here? What is something that I can be praying about for you right now?
I remember this prayer pretty clearly. It was years ago at the start of a trustee board meeting in a church where I was an associate Pastor. The chairman of the board looked at a board member ( there were 16 of them) and he said “Eric would you open us up in prayer?” Eric looked at the chairman in a funny manor, a few moment of silence and then stammered out an “ok”. I did not have a good feeling at this point and then Eric prayed.
God…..I ask the you ….guys I am not good at this whole praying (He then got encouragement from the men in the room and then continued)….I ask that you help us guys here tonight to ummmm…….(silence that seemed to last forever) ……do what it is ummmmmmm ….really I am not good at this at all is there someone else who should pray ( He then got more encouragement from those in the room and contined)….well help us to do what it is you want us to do in here tonight. Ummmm… (then another long period of silence)…guys I do not know what else to say (He was then encouragement to pray for a couple request that were mentioned)…God help the sick people that someone talked about earlier and help those who need you. How should I end? (He was then just encouragement to just say Amen and then he finished)…well then…Amen.
Some things you might want to know about Eric. He had been a member of the church for many years before being asked to pray. At the time he was asked to pray he had been on this board for about a year. I never heard Eric pray out loud again
I have learned some lessons when it comes to public prayers by what I experienced with Eric.
I also learned some things about myself but before I share that let me share this: Gordon MacDonald in his book Building Below the Waterline talks about public prayers and specifically the pubic prayers of pastors. He writes about how important the prayers of the Pastor are in encouraging and helping the congregation. As a matter of fact, on page 111 he writes about how he see the Pastoral prayer on par with the sermon – that is putting importance on this part of the service. He breaks the Pastoral prayer into four parts.
Acknowledging God – It is all about the congregation being reminded who God is – His attributes and actions. This part of the Pastoral prayer needs to focus in on at least one aspect of God and our response to Him. Focus on His Majesty, holiness, kindness, power and allow the congregation to be reminded that God is not sullied by human life. (pages 111-112)
Confession and Forgiveness – It is a confession that we in-fact are sinners as seen by some of our attitudes and actions over the past week against God and then you conclude this with an affirmation of God’s forgiveness for those who are humble in spirit and have a contrite heart. (pages 112-113)
Prayer for Our World – This part of the prayer looks outward at the world and the starvation, disasters, elections, and achievements – the macro events people hear about throughout their week. All of us need reminding that God cares about and is concerned about his children all throughout the world. When we do not pray for these things we make the implication that we do not care about what happens in the world. (pages 113-114)
The Needs of the People – It is where we pray for those who are in trouble and know that they are in trouble. this would be people in the congregation who have fears of joblessness, or a death in the family, those with illness, parents who are having teen issues, or whatever the need. What happens in the prayer is that hope is given and authenticity is shared and urgency for the needs of the people is heard. (pages 114 –115)
Now back to Eric and me. I learned when Eric prayed that his heartfelt prayer was touching but it also made people really uncomfortable – it made me uncomfortable and others who came to me after the fact. I heard some of myself in Eric’s prayer. I found that with me and my Pastoral prayers over the years that they could be very touching but sometimes I could make people uncomfortable because I get very repetitive (not in a good way) and unfocused and bounce around in the prayer. Over the years I might have prayed smoother prayers than Eric did that day but my content when praying publically has lacked on more than one occasion. I sometimes actually now write out some prayers ahead and just fill in prayer requests and it really helps with my clarity and focus. I have worked hard over the years to become better at public praying because it is an important part of the pastoral ministry.
Any thoughts on public prayers? Pastoral prayers? What is your favorite prayer from a Movie?
One of my favorite movie prayers is the prayer in Christmas Vacation – make me laugh every time.
This post is a part of the blogging on the book Building Below the Waterline by Gordon MacDonald with two of the best bloggers out there – Bill Grandi from Cycleguy’s Spin and Michael Perkins from The Handwritten . We are sharing each Wednesday our thoughts from 2 chapters, which means you will be able to see how God will l speak to us as individuals and then you if you read all three blogs you will see how God then weaves what we write all together. I pray your are encouraged by the blogs.
How do you deal with a stressful situations between members in the church when you are the Pastor (or deacon or leader in the church)?
When I typed this question, I just sat and stared at the screen. Why you may ask? Well it really is because in thinking about it I found that I have no great answers to this question. So here is what I am going to do: I will share the three steps that I see and then I would like you to then help me fill tin the gaps by getting you to share your thoughts.
Here are my three things:
First thing is prayer. I know many think this answer to be very simple but it is truly the starting point. What you pray for is of utmost importance. You need to pray for wisdom in the situation and for discernment for you and for those involved. You need to pray for all people who are involved in the issue that God would be able to grip their hearts. Prayer is key.
Second thing is talking to the people. This is where you have to make the decision if you talk with them individually or together. Some of this decision will be made when looking at the specific problem between the members. Another thing that will help make this decision is knowing how volatile the situation is. What I have in the past at times is met with people in their homes and that was to get what was happening from their view. Other times I have had the parties involved come to my office where we all sat down and I mediated them talking the problem out. This is again where prayer is such a big deal and you will really need the wisdom and discernment you are praying for and knowing on what exactly needs to be done. It is also important that the people involved have tender hearts toward God and each other.
As some point though, all parties need to be brought together to talk. That meeting needs to start with prayer and Scripture being read that is talking about unity in the church. You as the Pastor (or leader) need to lead this meeting and not let one side or the other hijack, sidetrack, or overtake the meeting. You need to lead toward reconciliation and that is the aim although it might take more than one meeting to get it. You might need to get together two or three times but leave each time with hope and direction for the next meeting.
Third thing is finding resolution to the issue. When it comes to this you need to remember that in finding resolution will take wisdom and discernment on your part. It will also take great skill in getting people to see the issue from a heavenly perspective. That is the goal and that is get people looking at the issue not from their selfish (most of the time) point of view but from a heavenly point of view. The goal in this heavenly perspective is to have people find common ground but that might not always be the case.
Know for sure that resolution is going come but it might need to be an agree to disagree solution. The agree to disagree to me is not optimal but sometimes is the best you will be able to get from people. Know that there will be times when you will get to see the blessing of reconciliation and resolution to an issue and people come together and it is a powerful thing.
This is how I deal with these issues written in a simple way – know that is not as simple and easy as it seems when written down. There are bumps and so forth that will bring great stress but know that Prayer is the most important ingredient here.
Now it is time for you to fill in my gaps and share your thoughts.
So tell me – How do you deal with a stressful situations between members in the church when you are the Pastor (or a deacon or leader in the church)?
Let us look at the last section of verses for Chapter 1 of Nehemiah and his prayer he prayed. Nehemiah 1:8-11 - “Remember the word which You commanded Your servant Moses, saying, `If you are unfaithful I will scatter you among the peoples; but if you return to Me and keep My commandments and do them, though those of you who have been scattered were in the most remote part of the heavens, I will gather them from there and will bring them to the place where I have chosen to cause My name to dwell.” “They are Your servants and Your people whom You redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand. “O Lord, I beseech You, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayer of Your servants who delight to revere Your name, and make Your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man.” Now I was the cupbearer to the king.
We see a number of things here in these verses and one is that Nehemiah was a man who knew the Word. He not only knew the Word but He prayed it back to God. We need to be a people like we talked about a few weeks ago who go to God and claim His promises. There is much power in praying the Word of God and the promises of God back to Him.
We also see here that Nehemiah went boldly before the throne of God. He asked God to give him the plans and then to bless those plans – which God later does. You might wonder why was he so bold in doing this, it was because He knew he was praying back to God a promise that God made. God is someone who always fulfills his promises!
What we are seeing here is that Nehemiah’s full desire was not to make himself great or even known but it was to accomplish the will of God. Nehemiah wanted to see God take over the situation and do something great. Nehemiah knows that success only comes from God. He knew that going to God in prayer was the only way that there was going to be real and last change.
We see a prayer here of Nehemiah that is short but powerful. We see a prayer here that serves as an example for all because it is set us all on the right focuses. This prayer has the focus: on who God is, on needing God’s direction, on Confession, on God’s Word, and the moving to accomplish Gods will.
Remember this, those who talk to God the most usually hear God the best. Prayer shows our dependence on God, what are you depending on God to do? What are you depending on God to do in your life, in Church, in our County? Are you willing to pray and seek God and take whatever action he calls you to?
Nehemiah prayed and then later in the book we see that he took action. We need to pray but then take action.
Have you ever struggle with wanting yourself to be known over God being known?
****Next week is one of my two vacation weeks so I will be hit or miss on blogging and commenting. Doing some family things in the area then headed to spend time with my brother and his family.
As we continue our look at the prayer of Nehemiah from Nehemiah 1 we will look today at verses 6 and 7 and the idea of confession. Nehemiah 1:6-7 6 let Your ear now be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer of Your servant which I am praying before You now, day and night, on behalf of the sons of Israel Your servants, confessing the sins of the sons of Israel which we have sinned against You; I and my father’s house have sinned. 7 "We have acted very corruptly against You and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses.
Nehemiah was completely dependent on God and he is begging God to hear him. He knew that there was nothing that he could do in this situation unless it was God who did something in and through him. We should all understand that unless Goes does something it will fail. Our human will and power is no match for the Lord of Heaven and Earth. How often are we found trying to do things in our own power? How often do we fail to seek God and His ways? How often do we fail because of our failure to rely on God? I would say for me too often, how about for you?
Did you notice that Nehemiah prayed night and day. Have you ever been so bothered in your spirit that all you could do is pray continually? Nehemiah is a man who knows that prayer is the only possible thing that can make a difference in this situation or any situation in life. What we see here with Nehemiah is that he is constantly praying and keeping in contact with God. The Bible tells us that we are to pray without ceasing in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 and in Rom. 12:12 we are told to be, rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer. What we are to be doing is to be constantly in communication with God. The idea for us all is to always be in a state of persistent prayer. Would you describe your prayer life as persistent?
The next thing we see is that Nehemiah confesses his sins but not only his but the sins of his people. Many people forget their own sinfulness and focus in on others. It is always easier to see other people’s sins and imperfections than to notice our own. We need to be aware of our own sinfulness as 1 John 1:8-10 makes that clear to us -If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. I confess before you now that I am not the perfect pastor, father, husband, blogger by far and I sin, but with the grace of God I find His mercies new every morning. I know that I have sins that I need to confess, how about you?
Notice that He did not whine and complain about the sins of the people but he confessed them. He did not whine and complain or make excuses for his sin or the sins of his people; he humbled himself and accepted the judgment of God. We as a country have sinned against God and even more so we as Christians and the church of Jesus Christ here in America have sinned and not been what we are called to be by God. We have not stood up for what is right, we have allowed sinful attitudes to prevail in our churches and homes, and we have turned from God’s way of doing things. We need to confess it and we need change our sinful ways and attitudes and we need to move forward in Christ. Please understand that confession should lead to change, has it in your life or do you confess and remain the same?
What was the hardest thing you ever had to confess to someone?
We started yesterday with the prayer of Nehemiah and let us continue with it today and see what we can learn. Nehemiah 1:5 – I said, "I beseech You, O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who preserves the covenant and lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments
We see by the way Nehemiah begins praying that He understands who God is and he comes to Him humbly. First Thing to remember when praying for anything and that is there is a Holy and Awesome God and we are not Him! That is a proper perspective to begin praying with and the right place to start.
Many come before God just “grabbing and going” so to speak and they are the ones who do not understand that we serve an awesome and powerful God. What we need to understand is what Nehemiah did and how he approached God. He said, O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who preserves the covenant and lovingkindness. Nehemiah recognizes who God is and approaches him with reverence and honor which is another one of the supremely important parts of praying. So let me ask you this, when you pray do you recognize who God is and do you approach Him with the right attitude? Nehemiah recognizes that God is the only place we are to be focused in life whether in a bad situation or a good one. It is always right to be focused on God and approach Him with the right attitude.
Look at the phrase, Lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments, notice that in this Nehemiah recognizes that he is a servant of God. Problems come when leaders think of themselves as only leaders and not servants. If I were to say what the problem was in the government of the United States today, I would say that this it. People who think it is about them and not the people they represent. We in the church many times think is it about us and not the God we represent – so we better not be quick to point fingers because we are just as guilty as others.
What we see here in this opening verse of the prayer of Nehemiah that his focus was on God and His power and His honor. For each one of us our focus always needs to be on God and not on us or our wants but on God and what he wants. This is the only right and true focus in prayer!
What is one thing that those of us who read this blog can prayer for you?
We continue to look at the prayer of David that he prayed when he learned his dream to build the temple died but God was blessing him with the knowledge that the Messiah would come through his lineage. 2nd Samuel 7:25-28 25 "Now therefore, O LORD God, the word that You have spoken concerning Your servant and his house, confirm it forever, and do as You have spoken, 26 that Your name may be magnified forever, by saying, `The LORD of hosts is God over Israel’; and may the house of Your servant David be established before You. 27 "For You, O LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, have made a revelation to Your servant, saying, `I will build you a house’; therefore Your servant has found courage to pray this prayer to You. 28 "Now, O Lord GOD, You are God, and Your words are truth, and You have promised this good thing to Your servant.
We see here that David prays - confirm it forever, and do as You have spoken. We have seen two days ago that David dealt with the present, then yesterday with the past and in this post the future. David’s prayer boldly asks God to do what He promised. This isn’t passive prayer that says, "Well God, do whatever You want to do – I don’t really care one way or another." This isn’t an arrogant prayer that says, "Well God, let me tell You what to do." This is bold prayer that says, "God, here is Your promise – now I trust You to fulfill it grandly and to be faithful to Your word." The phrase therefore Your servant has found courage to pray this prayer to You emphasizes the truth of the promises. David is saying, "I’m only praying because You promised. You told me that this is what You want to do."
The great preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon commented on this saying "God sent the promise on purpose to be used. If I see a Bank of England note, it is a promise for a certain amount of money, and I take it and use it. But oh I my friend, do try and use God’s promises; nothing pleases God better than to see his promises put in circulation; he loves to see his children bring them up to him, and say, ‘Lord, do as thou hast said.’ And let me tell you that it glorifies God to use his promises."
This kind of prayer that David prays here appropriates God’s promise. Just because God promises something it does not mean that we possess it. Through this prayer we see that David new and understood the promises of God and he appropriated those promises in this prayer. God promises and we appropriate. If we don’t appropriate in faith the promise then God’s promise is left unclaimed. If someone gives you a gift and you do not take it – it will go unused. The same is true with the promises of God, we need to do more than know them but we need to use them in our lives.
Let me give you one example of what I am talking about here. In Hebrews 4:16 we are told- Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace of help in time of need. What is seen here is that we need to come boldly and if we do not come at all we can got obtain mercy or find grace! So let us all make sure we know the promises of God but even more that make sure you are appropriating the promises of God in your life!
What is your favorite promise of God in the Word of God?
This past weekend being Mothers Day I preached on mothers. An example I used in my message was Susanna Wesley who is an example for both women and men. Here is some of the information I found on her.
Susanna Wesley was the mother of mother of John and Charles Wesley but did not just have the two sons but had a total of 19 children. John and Charles were powerful men of God who wrote many hymns and founded the Methodist and Wesleyan Denomination.
It was said of her that “…although she never preached a sermon or published a book or founded a church, (she) is known as the Mother of Methodism. Why? Because two of her sons, John Wesley and Charles Wesley, as children consciously or unconsciously will, they applied the example and teachings and circumstances of their home life.”
Let me share just a little more on Susanna Wesley. She was born in 1669. She gave birth to nineteen children, ten survived into adulthood. As I said a moment ago two of her sons became famous and influential men in the Christian church.
Susanna ran a strict, ordered household and homeschooled all of her children. She knew Latin, Greek, French as well as philosophy and politics. She taught her children for six hours a day (9am-12N and 2-5pm) and each of her children began their schooling the day after their fifth birthday, with each child expected to learn the alphabet on their first day.
Each week, she spent an hour with each child, to know them and their desires better and to talk with them about spiritual matters to direct each child’s path. She also spent at least one hour a day in private prayer, often at the kitchen table with her apron pulled up over her head – a sure sign to her children not to disturb her. Let me just say with that do not ever say you are too busy for God – that goes for men and women alike because imagine with all these children she made time for God every day. She made time for what she knew was important and lasting and it showed in her children.
What is more amazing about this woman is that she did it almost entirely alone. Her husband, Samuel Wesley, spent much time away from the home. He was imprisoned twice for unpaid debts. He left the family home for five months at one point due to a fight he had with Susanna about politics. His work as a minister provided meager income and the exposition he was writing on the book of Job consumed much of the family’s finances.
On top of these hardships, their home was burnt down twice; a baby of hers was accidentally smothered by a nursemaid they had employed due to Susanna’s exhaustion. Her husband died before her as did some of her adult children.
Susanna’s children are a lasting testament to her strength in the face of adversity.
Here are Susannah Wesley’s 16 Rules for Raising Children that I came across:
1. Eating between meals not allowed.
2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.
4. Subdue self- will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child’s soul.
5. To teach a child to pray as soon as they can speak.
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
11. Comment on and reward good behavior.
12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.
14. Strictly observe all promises.
15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
16. Teach children to fear the rod.
She would pray for her children, in front of them, behind their backs, for their salvation, and for their closeness to God. She is a powerful example of prayer and faith in Christ.
What are some rules you had as a kid growing up or what are some rules you have for your own kids?
