Quickness and Fruit

In James 1:19 we are told this: This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

This verse is good on how to not be angry but it gives good advice on speaking too. We can learn to be slow to anger by first learning to be quick to hear and slow to speak. So much of our anger and wrath comes from being self-centered not others-centered. Being quick to hear which is listening to what others say which is a great way to be others-centered. Slow to speak or thinking before we say something is another way to be others-centered. It keeps coming back to this – if we want to be those who speak encouragement into the lives of others we must be centered on them. In conversations – listen then speak and it will save you a whole lot of anger! One other thing with this – when you listen – put yourself in the shoes of the other person. It helps to see life from a different perspective – but that is a whole different message.

Something else we have a habit of doing is not really listening to what the person is saying but we are building up our argument and not listening to or even hearing a single word they say. This again shows our self-centeredness and our having to win or dominate and shows that we do not care! In order to be a real encouragement to people, we need to make sure they know we care and truly listening is just one small way of showing it.

Your message is not only in what you say but in how you choose to say it. When you speak, how do you say things? What are you facial features like when you say things? The way you look makes all the difference if what you are saying is seen as encouraging or not. Your attitude when you are speaking and listening makes a difference to people also. It either helps or discourages how they hear what you are saying or if they believe you are really listening.  How you look and how you say things makes a huge difference in being encouraging!

Keep in mind Proverbs 15:1, A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

Then think about Proverbs 16: 23, 24 which says, A wise heart instructs its mouth and increases learning with its speech.  Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.

Someone once said, “You get more flies with honey than with vinegar.” If you want to be persuasive do not be abrasive. Kind words spoken with a genuine heart are sweet to the soul and healthy for the body for both the person saying the words and the ones to whom they are directed. How many of us like it when people speak with kindness? We all do. We like it because gentle and kind words are pleasant because they calm us, disarm us, and diffuse potentially explosive situations.

Let me ask though – do you come off as persuasive or abrasive? Do people say you are abrasive? He are some reasons people think others are abrasive, because of their choice of words – negative and harsh, vocal tone – sarcastic or mean, their attitude – rolling eyes and disingenuous looks, and their body language – crossed arms. So if you come off as abrasive to others it is time to begin to work on this – regardless your age. There is no excuse for being abrasive. People say – it is the way I am or the way I was born but that does no work because it is not how the Bible tells us we are to live. The Bible is not going to tell us to do something that is not possible for us to do which is to speak the truth in love and being abrasive is unloving, so put your excuse away and work hard on changing and being more persuasive than abrasive.

Kindness and gentleness, they go together. In the Galatians 5:22 we learn that kindness and gentleness are some of the fruits of the God’s Spirit – all the fruit of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. What these all are is a byproduct of God’s living and working within us. If we have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and are filled with God’s Spirit then our lives should increasingly bear these fruits. Now here is the part for each of us to ponder and that is are fruit of the Spirit seen in my words. We need to ask ourselves are my words filled with or are my conversations fill with: Love? Joy? Peace? Patience? Kindness? Goodness? Gentleness? Faithfulness? Self-control? Are yours conversations filled with these?

Do you have anything else to add?  What would you say is the one fruit of the Spirit that you end up using the most in conversation?  Why do you think that is?

Encouragement by being quiet?

Let us start with this story I came across: There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?” “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” “Yes.” “Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are and I saw a beautiful mink coat and it is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it – it is only $1,500.” “Okay” “Thanks and Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2011 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price of $60,000 … and since we need to trade in the BMW that we bought last year… well can I get it”  “Okay” “Great! Before we hang up, something else and it might seem like a lot all at one time, but I was looking over our finances and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property and it is only $950,000 which is a magnificent price, and I am sure we can buy it if we cash in some stocks… can we please get it” “Okay” “Thank you for all this, sweetie, I am so excited. I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!” The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present, “Does anyone know to whose cell phone this is?” I’ll bet someone wished that man had kept his mouth closed. There are times when it is best that nothing is said.

Sometimes the best communication we have is when there are no words. Words sometimes are not the best way to communicate and encourage – actually words can get us in trouble. There are times where no words are needed at all and sometimes we need to learn when to be quiet and sort out the things going on in our heads before we speak because we do not want to be known as “Someone whose mouth is always open and whose mind is always closed”. There is also the old saying, better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

So what the thing that we need to see first is that sometimes the best way to be an encourager is to simply not say anything at all.

Look and think about these two verses from Proverbs:

Proverbs 10:19 – When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.

Proverbs 21:23 – The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble

If we seek to be wise, we must learn to hold our tongue more often, or bite our tongue. Sometimes we try to be encouraging with our words and we blurt out the first thing that comes to our minds and instead of saying something encouraging, we end up saying something that is hurtful or certainly not the best. In those cases we always wish that we would have been wise and held our tongue. In other words we don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to us because it is probably not going to be a word of encouragement. Normally when we blurt out what pops into our head it comes out as sarcastic or maybe cutting and does not sound genuine. For me – I have learned that the quicker I respond to someone, the greater the danger of using reckless words, and saying something harmful which will hurt the other person, and possibly hurt and/or ruin the relationship.

How about you, have you ever found yourself wishing you would have encouraged by being quiet?  Have you ever wished you held your tongue?

More tomorrow along these lines tomorrow…….

Gossip’s Origins?

I started talking about gossip the other day and want to ask a question today about it. 

The question is: Where does gossip originate? In a number of Scripture passages, the Lord informs us about the origins of gossip.

This might sound harsh but it is straight from Scripture. Gossip is fueled by hell’s flames. Gossip is one of Satan’s fiery arrows that he shoots at us and entices us to shoot at others. The Lord doesn’t mince words in James 3:6 when he tells us about the origin of the sins of the tongue: "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." The flames of hell ignite gossip. Satan is behind all gossip, either directly or indirectly. When we listen to gossip, we give the devil a foothold in our lives. When we speak gossip, we’re speaking as Satan wants us to speak. As the old saying goes, "A gossiper is the devil’s postman." We have such good reason to hold our tongue – but we do not do it!

In Luke 6:45 Jesus tells us, A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. Jesus tells us that our words reveal what is in our hearts. Gossip comes from a heart full of evil. Insults come from a heart full of evil. Criticism comes from a heart full of evil. When we allow our sinful natures to control our hearts, evil fills our souls, and evil spews out of mouths. Think about it – you are a tool of Satan when you are gossiping! Every word that comes from your mouth need to be considered!

In Psalm 109:3 David said of his enemies, They surround me with hateful words and attack me without cause. When we allow hurt, anger, bitterness, and rage to live in our hearts, we entertain thoughts of hatred, retaliation, and revenge. One way that we vent our anger, bitterness, and rage is through gossip. We wound people behind their backs by badmouthing them. We retaliate by shooting people in the back with verbal bullets. Unless we find comfort for our hurt and resolution for our anger, we often vent our hurt and anger with our tongues. How many times has someone hurt you and then you turn around and say something mean or hateful about them in gossip? That needs to stop!

1 Tim 5:13 tells us how idleness can lead to gossip: At the same time, they also learn to be idle, going from house to house; they are not only idle, but are also gossips and busybodies, saying things they shouldn’t say. People with too much time on their hands often become gossips and busybodies. As the saying goes, "Idle hands are the devil’s workshop." If we would spend our time doing things to make a positive difference in the lives of others, we would we giving ourselves less time to be gossiping!

Gossip is always trouble. Gossip obscures the truth. Gossip drives us from God. Gossip ruins reputations. Gossip destroys relationships. Gossip divides churches. The trouble with gossip is that it is incredibly destructive. Do you really understand how destructive gossip is?

Have you ever seen first hand the power of gossip?  What you say to a person who asks: If it is written in the newspaper and I tell someone else – is it gossip?  I was asked that last night.

Unleashing Negative Words

We talked about positive words in an earlier post and then in the last post we talked about negative words and today we will continue in talking about negative words.  We will talk specifically about some the ways that we unleash the power negative words in our lives.

One is found in - Ephesians 5:4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. We have all been around those who every time they open their mouth have some sort of inappropriate comment that comes out which they intend to be funny. We all know people who have what I like to call – a potty mouth. Paul here in Ephesians 5:4 is addressing these people. He is saying indecent talk, filthy stories, obscene talk, vulgarity, evil minded talking, and things like this should not be part of the Christian life but it should be words of thanks that are coming across out lips. It is replace your potty mouth with a thankful mouth. Paul is making a moral appeal to the people of Ephesus and notice the theme of the moral appeal. It isn’t "avoid these things so that you can be a saint." Rather, it is "you are a saint; now live in a manner fitting for a saint."

We are people who Christ has come into our lives and now it is time to talk like it. Christ does not want us talking in our old ways but wants us to move ahead. Many of us talked like this before Christ changed us so now we need to be talking like people Christ changed. Many of us find comfort in the past ways we lived but Paul reminds us in Philippians 3 that we are to forget the past and press forward toward the high calling in Christ Jesus. Let us exchange our potty mouth with thankful mouths

Then we have the Gossip – Proverbs 20:19 He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip. The power of the negative words can also be seen in gossip. What is gossip? Normally it is a rumor that is of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. Gossip is juicy news.

As soon as I said gossip, some of you had a picture of a person who gossips all the time pop into your head, wonder if anyone pictured you? Gossip has been an issue in the church for as long as it has been around but that does not make it right at all. We do a number of things to try to cover our tracks when it comes to gossip: we use the “prayer request” cover, we use the “I am only sharing this with you because I care” cover, or we use the “I am not gossiping because I am pretty sure it is true” cover. The Bible has some hard words for those who like to gossip. We should not associate ourselves with gossip or gossipers.

Gossip hurts. We all at one time or another have felt the sting of it getting back to us that someone had gossiped about us. The Bible tells us that gossipers ruin friendships. How does it feel when someone gossips about you? Not a one of us like it so do not do it to other people. Gossip would stop if we all lived by the Golden Rule – If we treated others the way we would want to be treated.

Then we have Slander -Leviticus 19:16 `You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people, and you are not to act against the life of your neighbor; I am the LORD. Slander is saying things that are meant to harm someone’s reputation. Slander is one of those things that we do not think to be a problem but I believe that it is a close relative of gossip. As a matter of fact in the last verse Proverbs 20:19 both slander and gossip are mentioned. When we share what we do about people in gossip and slander we are making a sticky mess. When we say things that we do not know to be true or things that need not be said we are making a big sticky mess all over us and others. How can we get away from making this sticky mess with our words? We need some way to figure out if we should say something or if we should not say anything. Here is a test you can use that has been around that can help you make the decision.

Three things: Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?

Is it true should be something that we are always making sure of. Too many people share things that they do not know to be true which is gossip and as we all know, gossip makes a mess and damages lives.

Is it kind is something that we covered already and that one of the most important things we can do is share the truth in a loving way. We need to make sure we are saying the kindest possible things to and about people. Kindness does not make a mess of anything but is a wonderful sweet treat.

Is it necessary is something we have to ask ourselves because something we want to say might be funny or informative or juicy news but then again might not be necessary. We all have things at times we want to share but in reality these things are destructive and not worth saying. We underestimate the power of words so we need to ask how necessary it is to share information and stories with other people. When we go to say anything to people we should ask ourselves these three questions: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Always remember this – Big people talk about ideas – Regular people talk about things – Little people talk about other people. Let us be big and regular people and not little people.

What are you thoughts on these areas?  When I was young I struggle greatly with the “potty” mouth – which of these area are/were a struggle for you?  How did you or are you working on that weak area?

Be Positive? Really?

We have spent the week talking about smiling and laughing.  We have been looking at and talking about Proverbs 17:22 -  A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Some people live life in a positive manor and others in a negative manor.  For those who live in a negative manor let me ask you this:  What do you get from being negative? Being negative gets you angry, frustrated, and depressed.  Positivity and negativity are contagious.  My choice is to be around those who see the glass half full. 

Negative people are thinking about negative things –what does Paul tell us in Phil. 4:8 about what to think about? 

Phil 4:8 – One version puts it this way – Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious–the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse

The New King James puts it like this - Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.

We can see from this verse is that we need to be looking to the positive side of things.  We need to be filling our minds with things that are true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious–the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

Am I saying that we should run around with smiles and laughing at everything that happens?  Certainly not.  There will be and are sad times in life – but we cannot allow those things to run our lives.  We need to learn that even in sad times we can have joy.  Paul was in prison writing rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice.

Here is what I know.  A positive attitude is more than running around with a smile on your face, it is understanding that there will always be times when things are looking bad but our focus should always be on Christ and with him we should always have a positive outlook.  It comes down to your focus – you can focus on the negative or you can focus on the positives in life.  People with cheerful hearts and minds focus on the positive.

Summing up the week – Laugh and smile, do not take yourself too seriously, enjoy life now, and have a positive outlook.  Let us all take a moment today to be as positive as we possibly can and if we are then we will laugh and smile and we will enjoy life and we will not take ourselves too seriously.

Who is the most positive person you know?

Too Serious or Enjoying Life?

We have been looking at laughing and smiling this week as well as at this verse:

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Here is the first thing I want to stress:  Do not take yourself too seriously, but take God very seriously!  Laugh at yourself – I have done so many silly things to laugh at through the years – I can either laugh at myself or be depressed and being depressed is not an option.   Never take yourself too serious because it really is a silly to do so and people will be pushed away by it.

Ask yourself this:  would you want to be your friend?  Are you someone that others want to be around?  Many people take themselves too seriously and honestly are no fun to be around. 

God is serious business but he is a God who laughs.  What is your picture of God?  Is he some Old guy up in heaven with rolled up newspaper waiting to slap you like a fly when you get out of line or is he a God who laughs, loves, and wants the same for his people?  Do not misunderstand – God is Holy, Righteous and Just and also a God of Joy or enjoyment.

Something else in this whole discussion is too find enjoyment in life  and do it  N.O.W. (No Opportunity Wasted).  You’re never too old or too young to live life to the fullest.  You will get excuses from people all the time why they do not do things. Let me tell you about a nun.   Sister Madonna Buder is an example of a woman who is not too old to live life.  What does Sister Madonna do that makes her so special?  She is competing in triathlons at age 79 and is signed up to run one this year at age 80.  She began running about the age of 50 and worked her way up to running and finishing the Boston Marathon.  She wanted more of a challenge and read in the newspaper about triathlons.  She overcame some broken bones in the 1980’s while training to run the ironman triathlon in Hawaii. She would compete in the 60 plus category in the 1990’s and in 1992 she had her best finish which included her stopping to help a dehydrated participant till help came and still finish with a record breaking time.  We never have an excuse to not do things because of age!  We can live and enjoy life.  

Here is another thing to do and that is put off putting off and start acting.  People put things off and put things off to the point that they never get anything accomplished.  You need to have goals.  You need to be aiming for something.  If you aim at nothing you will always hit it.  NO OPPORTUNITY WASTED you should not waste what God has given you.

God gives you opportunities – take them!  Everyday we are given opportunities in life.  We have a choice – we can take the opportunity or let it pass us by.  People with a positive outlook grab these opportunities and do something with them.  God has given them to you and now you need to do something with them.  God has given us a life to live, so live is what we should be doing!

We need to be enjoying our lives, taking opportunities, laughing and smiling!

What is one way you will enjoy yourself today?

Smile and laugh

The last two days I have looked closely at Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.  Now that we have looked at this, let us look at smiling and laugh in a serious way.

So what are the benefits that one gets from smiling and laughing? They are many. Let us start with the smile. You have heard some form of the following – It takes 37 muscles to frown and 22 to smile, so smile, it conserves energy.

In a study in 2002 researchers found that people automatically respond to what people show them. If someone frowned at them, they frowned back but if the smiled they smiled back. People where told to do the opposite of the picture and found great difficulty in smiling at the frown and frowning at the smile. Facial expressions are contagious.

I would like everyone right now to smile. Smile big! Hold it – even if you do not feel like smiling.  Smile!  Now I would bet that even with a fake smile you feel better.  Research shows that people that smile feel happier even when they faked their smile. People that frown and show sadness felt sadder. Facial expressions actually contribute to the way you feel! So choose to smile and choose to feel great!

Then there is laughing and laughing is one of my favorite things to do. Laughing has some great health benefits. Here is a list of ways that laughing can benefit your health both mental and physical.

1. Anti-stress – When you laugh you become more relaxed which helps to relieve stress.

2. Strengthens your immune system – negative emotions like anxiety and depression weaken the immune system while laughing raises the level of killer cells and raises the anti-body levels in the body.

3. Aerobic workout – 1 minute of continuous laughing is equal to 10 minutes on a rowing machine according to a Stanford study.

4. High Blood Pressure and Heart Disease – The increased blood flow and opening of veins, which lowers BP and helps with heart disease.

5. Natural Pain Killer – Laughing increases endorphins, which are the bodies, painkiller.

6. Alleviates Bronchitis and Asthma – It improves lung capacity and blood flow in chest and lungs, which helps most asthmatics; there is an exercise-induced asthma that is aggravated by laughing.

7. Internal jogging – Hard laughing massages all the body’s internal organs and brings increased blood flow to those organs.

8. Laughing builds bonds – Much like prayer – laughing links people together and helps build social bonds.

A study has shown that children 4 years old laugh about 400 times per day. Adults only laugh about 14 times per day. What has happened to us? One thing that I would answer is we have taken ourselves way too seriously.

I will talk more being too serious tomorrow but for now think about smiling and laughing.  Do your best to look people in the eye and smile at them today.  Have a good laugh today with others and build bonds.  Take time and enjoy life!

One more thing:  I promise you that Jesus did not walk around solemn and sad but I am sure he walked around with the twelve and laughed and had a great time.  So what are you going to do today?  Smile and Laugh or be Solemn and Sad?  The choice as always is yours but for me I will be smiling and laughing.

Dry Bones or Good Medicine?

I started yesterday into some thoughts on laughing and smiling and as I did this I started out talking about Proverbs 17:22 and today I will continue looking at it.

Proverbs 17:22 - A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones – NKJV. Another Version puts it this way - A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

The Hebrew translates this as to make dry bones.  The dry bones that are mentioned in this proverb here signify unhealthiness and lifelessness.  An example of this lifelessness and unhealthiness is found in the dry bones found in Ezekiel 37.

People who have a crushed spirit are often people with physical aliments.  Those with destroyed minds are those whose health is never really very good.  They always have a headache or a pain here and a pain there.  They never have any energy to do things.  Why?  These people waste energy on things that they cannot change or on things that are a waste of time. 

People who are like this are a pond that dries up because it has nothing flowing into it.  People with a crushed spirit have nothing flowing into them and that is why the dry up.

What is good medicine?

Hebrew translation for this is a pleasing cure.  The idea here is that a healthy and positive attitude brings about good healing or health.  Two other Proverbs to look at with relationship to this would be 15:13 and 15:15.

Proverbs 15:13 – A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

Proverbs 15:15 – All the days of the afflicted are bad, But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.

People who have a cheerful heart have it show on their face because they smile.  They also have a continual feast, which is a metaphor for enjoying life.  These are people who are healthy and when they do get sick it is only for a short period.  They have an abundance of energy most of the time and have a positive outlook on things to come.

These are people who have a constant flow of joy in their lives that refreshes them.

The idea of the verse – A person’s psychological condition affects one’s physical condition: a depressed attitude ruins health but a healthy attitude fosters good health.

So now that we know this we will then look tomorrow at what it means to have a cheerful and healthy mind.  But before we get to that tomorrow let me ask you about today.  Do you find that you have dry bones or good medicine?  Do you have people that you are around that dry your bones and ones that are good medicine to you?  When people are around you, do their bones get dry or do they find you good medicine in you?

It is my prayer that we all are good medicine to one another.

Crushed vs. Merry

Proverbs 17:22 -NKJ - A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Another Version puts it this way - A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

What is a Crushed Spirit?

Webster defines Crushed as to squeeze or force by pressure so as to alter or destroy structure.

Webster defines Spirit as temper or disposition of mind or outlook.

So someone with a crushed spirit would be someone with a destroyed mind or psyche within the context of this verse.

 

• Hebrew word for crushed translates stricken.
• Hebrew word for spirit translates mental acts.
• So it could be translated stricken mental acts.

This is talking about those who are depressed and dejected.  We all know those sad sack people.  These are people who are slumped over and keep their eyes to the ground when the walk around and they rarely, if ever, smile.  But they are more than posture; they are people whom whenever you talk with them they are going through the worst period of their lives.  Everyday brings about a new tragedy or catastrophe in their lives.  If they do not have one they search hard to find one. 

 

 What is a Cheerful Heart?

Webster defines cheerful as full of good spirits or conducive to cheer: likely to dispel gloom or worry. 

Heart is defined as the central or innermost part.

Someone with a cheerful heart would be someone with good spirits in their innermost parts or mind within context of the verse. 

• Hebrew translates cheerful as joy or rejoicing. 
• Hebrew translates heart as inner man. 
• So this could translate to joy in the inner man.

These are the people that bring joy where they go.  They are the ones that make you smile as soon as they walk up to you.  They are the ones who take the days that give them lemons and make lemonade.  These are the people who find the positive side to situations that happen in live. 

The question is which of these defines us – crushed or merry?  It is a choice we have each day and in each situation of life, so what is your choice going to be?  I am planning on making lemonade instead of whining today.  I am planning on laughing and smiling rather than being down and depressed.  What about you today?

We will continue to talk about the idea of smiling and laughing this week.